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19 years old

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19 years old

Im 19 years old. I always had the thought that i was too young to get clean but i had to realize i am never too young to die. I started using when i was 13 years old. I didnt have a bad childhood. I was raised in a very strict mexican family who attended a mormon church. I was the youngest out of five. I was loved by my parents very much, they never hit me nor abused me. My sister was an addict, she is 7 years older than me. Growing up, i remember her always running away. By the time i was 12, she had a son and a year later she had a daughter. She left, became a dancer, and lived her addiction. She left her children with my mother. Growing up, i tended for her children. I never went to hang out with friends. I went to school and straight home to watch them. My first addiction was not drugs. It was self harm. I got sexually abused by a afrian american when i was 12. I changed. I started dressing?very dark, i didnt want anyone to notice me. I covered my body so no man would look at me. I felt ashamed. 13 years old i had my first drink and my first hit of marijuana. I found my soul mate. I was in love with this new feeling. 14 years old, i tried Xanax, my 18 year old boyfriend at the time introduced me to this lover. I was in for sure. I used everyday. I thought i was a master at hiding it. I got high at school because i couldnt get high at home, when i got home... I knew i had some responsibilty, i had to watch children. 15 years old, my school thought it was best for me to see this therapist. So i did, it got me out of classes which i never attended anyways. I told her about my drug use, cause i was not ashamed. She told my parents. I was pissed. I had to attend an aftercare program. They drug tested me so i couldnt get high. I attended my first NA meeting... I hated it. Everyone was old and they didnt understand me as so i thought. I had 30 days clean. 31st, i got high. My parents moved after this, they got tired, and i was too similar to my sister. My oldest sister who isnt an addict got custody of me. This contitued for the?next few?years. My drug usage increased from xanax, wet, exstacy, to even huffing. It got heavily after i got raped at gun point. At 18 years old, I moved to Houston Texas. My life changed drastically. I started dancing to support my drug use. I was a full blown xanax drug addict. I got introduced to a new game to help me get more money. Selling myself. I had nice things and the drugs. I thought i was happy. After my friend got beat badly by the man who took care of us, i was terrified, i left back to my home town. I used one last month of xanax... i decided to stop. The next month i just drank and smoked. I quit everything on my birthday. My 19th birthday, is my clean date. I remembered those meetings with the old people and decided to go back. I picked up a 24 hour key tag. Today, im going on a year clean March 6.?I met my fiance through the NA?program and we are having a baby, i am 2 months pregnant. Today, I?am not emotionally or spiritually bankrupt. ?I work at a rehab facility in my home town and help girls just like me, im in love with my job. I still attend meetings and work a 12 step program. I never thought i'd be clean and sober, but God had a different plan. I had to hit my bottom. Without recovery, i wouldnt be where im at today.


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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