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The beautiful grace of God

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The beautiful grace of God

I suffered from severe back pain starting in late 2005. I was going to the doctor and explaining the kind of pain that I was having, and the doctor started writing me a prescription of lorcet every month. Although the lorcet did not kill the pain, it made it bearable, and it made me not care if I hurt, so I continued taking it.?I went?to doctor after doctor trying to find out what was causing my pain. I?even went to a kidney specialist because I was told that kidney problems may be the cause of my back pain, and still I got no answers, only prescriptions for pain meds. This went on for about three years and over that period of time I got to the point that I thought I couldn't live without the pain meds....not even for a day!!! I had become an ADDICT!!! But I told myself that I wasn't addicted, that could never happen to me...I wasn't one of THOSE people...I had a beautiful home, new vehicles, and pretty much anything I wanted!!!! People tend to stereotype drug addicts...you know, the nasty people you see walking down the road, or the homeless person begging for money to eat!!!! I'm here to tell you that addiction touches the wealthy, the famous, the poor, politicians, judges,?and lawyers.?No one ever thinks or imagines that they will become addicted when they take that first pill! My mom and dad raised me in church and I gave my heart to God when I was 11, my daddy is a preacher, and overall we were a happy family. I have two kids, a good husband, and still I became addicted to pain meds....with that being said....again addiction can be a problem for anyone no matter what their social, economic, or family status!!! In 2008 we were on our way to church and when we got there my legs were completely numb, I couldn't move them, or feel them at all. I asked my husband to carry me into the church house and have them pray for me....he did, and the church prayed and later on that day I was able to walk again! When I told my doctor about this he sent me?for an MRI (for the first time in three years someone was actually trying to figure out what was going on)!! I was sent to a neurosurgeon and they found that I had a tumor wrapped around my spinal cord and it was compressing the nerves to most of my lower body. I had to undergo surgery to remove the tumor and have a laminectomy of L1-L3, then surgery again 5 days later to repair a spinal fluid leak!! The doctor told me that I should be pain free after that, and that was so not true. I still had pain, some days worse than others, but I was mentally and physically dependent on the pain meds, so I continued going to pain clinics!!! It got really bad when a doctor prescribed methadone for my pain, and things went downhill quickly!! My every thought revolved around how and where to get methadone, because if I went even one day without it I got so sick to the point?that I couldn't function!! I was driving around high most of the time, and didn't even think about the consequences of getting caught or getting into an accident and killing someone, I just thought I was ten feet tall and bullet proof!! There were nights that I would pray and ask God "if you will just let me wake up in the morning, I will never get this high again", and by his beautiful grace, that prayer was always answered!! My family tried many, many times to talk to me about getting help. I would get so mad at them, because in my mind they were just being judgemental!!! I completely isolated myself from everyone, except for my "friends", (drug buddies), and I became a shell of the happy carefree person that I once was!! I felt so alone, and it got to the point where I knew I needed help, but I was too ashamed to ask for it, and I felt as if admitting my problem was admitting failure, and that made me a weak person, but I can tell you right now that it takes a much stronger person to ask for help than it does to stay bound by addiction!! So, the only way out that I could think of was to die!! I prayed every night for months for God to just take me, and get me out of the misery that I was in, and I am so very thankful that he didn't answer that prayer!! As I was praying to die, my family and church family were praying for God to touch me and to get my attention, no matter what it took, and trust me, when the true saints of God come together and start praying, things are gonna happen....believe that!!! On August 2, 2012, I was going home from my sisters house, which by the way, was only about 2 miles from my house, and there was a roadblock....I could have turned around and went back without them seeing me, but there was something inside me saying just get this over with, so I went on!!! I had talked my way out of so many tickets, and I had planned to do the same this time, but it didn't happen!!! After pleading with the state trooper for about five minutes, he told me that I could do what he said or he would call social services to come and get my daughter who was with me. I complied and he let my sister come get her!! Meanwhile, I had given a false name, because I knew that I had an active bench warrant!! Needless to say, I didn't bond out the next day...in fact I spent 5 days in the Laurel County Detention Center!!! I was placed in maximum security, and at that point I wanted to choke my daddy, because I just knew that he had prayed me there!! After about 5 minutes in there, a girl called me aside and asked if she could talk to me in her cell....I was scared to death, but I went. She said "I don't know why you're in here, don't know anything about you, and I don't claim to be a prophet, but God has a word for you". She went on to say that I was there because God was saving me from something, and that he had to jerk me up out of the middle of everything in order for me to see what I was doing to myself and those that loved me. She then gave me a Bible and told me I needed to heed Gods warning and get my life in order!! I opened the Bible to Psalms 23 and began to read....I had read that scripture many, many times, but it never spoke to me the way it did that night!! When I read the part that says "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life", I began to cry and I asked God if goodness and mercy was with me all those years that I was out running around high and taking pills. God spoke to me saying, " why do you think your still here"!!!! There were girls in the cell with me that were withdrawing really bad, and I asked God to go ahead and put those withdrawals on me, I deserved it, and again he spoke to me and said, "it's done, it's all over"!!! That very night I was delivered from the disease of addiction, and today I am six months drug free, without any withdrawals, and not one single craving!! God is so good!! As for my legal trouble, I was offered 25 days jail time or 40 days treatment, and I chose treatment.?It was amazing to hear the other girls stories, because their stories?sounded just like mine. Finally I realized that I wasn't alone in the battle of addiction!! I will never forget those girls or the counselors there, they were wonderful, and a blessing to me!! I tell my story as often as I can in hopes that one addict will realize that there is hope and it lies in Jesus Christ!! You are never alone in your struggle with addiction, all addicts lead the same miserable life, and if you have no one to talk to, message me, I would love to talk with you!! Things that we have done dont define us, they are just things we've done. Although my past looks bad, I wouldn't change it, because its the things that I have gone through that has made me who I am today. Today I am closer to God than ever before, stronger than I ever dreamed, and when I look in the mirror, I am happy with the girl looking back at me, and that I s a wonderful feeling!! My prayer is to be a light to addicts still suffering, and show them a glimpse of hope, because that's what they are looking for is hope! In Jesus Christ there is hope, forgiveness, love, and peace like you have never known!!! I will leave you with this....Jesus loves you and is waiting on your cry for help!! Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life! God bless each and everyone of you!


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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