The Long way
Alright, ?so I'm sitting in my room alone on a saturday night.....I bet you're wondering ?just HOW I got into this sort of situation.Long story.....Anyways,I'm sitting alone on a saturday night, and I have a pretty firm grasp on the situation thus far(Side note: I had been struggling for years with this addiction before I wrote this) Anyways, I had 3 boxes to my left, alll filled with coriciden cough and cold medicine. Dextromethorphan is what we're after here, and each box containted 475 miligrams of simulated happiness. So, my daily dosage was pretty high at this poiny. I was doing somewhere along the lines of 48 pills at night. Pretty intense huh? I watched as my family crumbled around me, and the fascades of strength were ripped away. **(Voice in the back of my brain: ITS NOT YOU ITS THEM, FUCK YOUR FAMILY,FUCK YOUR BROTHERS,WHAT HAVE THEY EVER DONE FOR YOU???))Lord I can see now the errors of my ways in jesus name amen.....Thats anoother thing, every time I took this drug it would try to convince me of something, like my girl is cheating on me or my family is out to get me';
But the scariest one was telling me I WAS an addict ?and I WAS doing all of this to myself through the power of 'positive' thinking. So much for that I guess.I started thinking I was going crazy, and this world wasn't real. Everyone was just a made up concept of my mind. As you can imagine this is not a good place to be in, See what I believe is that this THING NEEDS to have us seperated from our fellows,it NEEDS us to be broken,beaten and ?battered. God doesn't wan't to see this happen, so he sends people into our lives (this is just my own experience,anyone is entitled to their own beliefs) He sends these people without you even knowing it, and you'll take their advantage ?Anyways, it's pretty traumatic either way; regardless the right people were sent at the right time. Exactly when I needed them and where I needed them, it truly was a blesssing.
If anything,this life has taught me these things:
1.)You can never judge a book by it's cover, it could look perfect on the outside and be tatters on the inside
2.)There are things bigger than you(If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe) Joe Rogan
3.)Help another thing (whether it be a human being or a little dog TRY to make their lives more comfortable)
4.)Listen(Even for things that don't make a 'sound''.
5.)When you're not doing something,do something; time is wasted every breath you take standing idle
6.)Be Nice (People will work with you, not against you)
Today was a ridiculous day and I was thrown around a bit by the constatnt shifts in the inter-human relations department. I thought I was off on sunday and decided to get trashed on sat night. Went to the wallgrenes right next to my house and and I struck up a convo with a worker there; Litterally 20 minutes later I finish this bad story about how these rich white guys are running the show and how people are getting ready to drag john kerry and his friends out into the street and burn them, Anways, it went on too long so I grabbbed my pills and left. It was a grimey feeling that first hit me when I left that Walgrenes, I felt like a pathetic piece of trash. My own will power was being used against me to an insane affect and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I needed help.
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