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FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE...MY HEROIN ADDICTION STORY

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FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE...MY HEROIN ADDICTION STORY

"So now that i have 1 year clean i want to help save as many lives as i can."

Dear readers,

Hello my name is ashley and im? a 29yr old recovering addict. My story begins in the summer of 2008. I had to get surgery and i was prescribed vicodin for the pain. I was on vicodin for about 2 months. Then the dr. felt it was time to take me off of the painkillers. I started relizing that maybe 8 hours after my last dose that i wasn't feeling so good at all. I was hot then cold, very sweaty, vomiting, had the runs, my whole body hurt i was in bad shape. At this point i had no Idea what was happening to me and why i was feeling this way so i went to the hospital. Where again i was prescribed vicodin for my pain and i noticed that as soon as i took the vicodin i felt much better. I mean it was as if it magically went away. At this point I relized that i was physically addicted to this medicine.

All i knew was that i NEVER wanted to feel the sickness i had felt before again. So i began buying pills on the street. I went from vicodin to percocet to oxycontin, to opanas, to HEROIN. I couldnt believe that I was using heroin. Never in my whole life did i imagine that i would be using heroin. But i always said i would NEVER EVER use a needlem nope not me. Well before long i was shooting up. I lost everything! I alienated my family and felt so alone. I ended up homeless living in a basement. I lost all selfworth. The sad part is i didnt even care, as long as i got my next fix that was all that matterd to me. I began getting into trouble legally still didnt care. This is how much power this drug had over me. I remeber nights my mom crying and praying that she didnt get a phone call saying i had died from a overdose.

At this point my mom knew i was addicted to pills but not heroin. She always asked me if i was using heroin but i always denied it. Now its about 2009 and my mom ends up getting knee replacement surgery. So of course i offer to take care of her because i know shes gots of pain pills. Unfortunetly, my mom too became addicted to opiates. She began experiencing the withdrawl that she once used to cradle me through. We began using pills together. My mom was a church going missionary that had it all until pain killers came into her life.

It was early morning Dec 2, 2010 my phone rang. It was the hospital calling to say my mom had been brought there and i needed to come up. The sick part is that knowing something was horribly wrong with my mom i couldnt go to the hospital until i got my fix. So i finally got there they explained she had passed away. All i could do is scream and didnt believe them. I will never forget seeing her lifeless body laying on that table. I began shaking her screamining for her to wake up. Eventually the nurses pulled me away and said im sorry shes gone. My world came to an end at that very moment. I used more after she died than ever, I had lost my mother to the very same drug im chasing after. I wanted to hate opiates so bad but couldnt. I was in a comitted relationship with the same thing that killed my mother. I often sat and cried wondering how is it that this little bag has so much control over my life.

I made many, many trips in and out of rehab, but its wasnt until my last trip that i got it. If i hadent had a praying family and the will to get clean i would be dead today. So now that i have 1 year clean i want to help save as many lives as i can. Heroin is a death sentence!!! Please take heed to these stories and know that OPIATES? will kill 'n destroy you!!


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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Comments

1. Sandy
I want to answer this post anonomousy so you wont be able to trace my email address but ,,,,,,,,, ............after being a heroin addict for more than 30 active years I realised I could only stop after the time had passed when I no longer remember the feeling of it. As long as I did, I had no hope because I'd long for the remembering. Now I'm 53 and I cant remember it try as I might for this exercise. If this is the key to abstinance then lets focus on this please! Just a thought but I am out of it....thank the lord!
2. Ben
Awesome story, you are an inspiration.
3. S
My story is very similar to yours. Kidney stones. Vics to percs to oxymorphone ... To heroin. Its only been a couple of months on heroin and the past couple weeks it went from snorting to iv'ing..... Something I said I'd never ever do.. No way... Waiting for a bed at detox... Should be in today.. Do you have any tips how to say clean after detox? Physically, there's still headaches and fatigue and depression even after detox and the first thing is to pop a pill.. Any suggestions would be much appreciated!! Congrats on you being clean!
4. Heather
my heart goes out to all of you either dealing with an addict in your life or being the addict yourself heroin has become an epidemic not only is it cheap but easy to get a hold of even knowing the consequences people continue you to use because the withdrawal is unbearable I know I have been there they do have a medicine called suboxone it is a miracle drug they give you along with a rehab program if not for this medicine I hate to say it I think I would be dead today and my kids would be without their mother I am going to college to get a degree in nursing and chemical dependency counseling I want to save lives or do whatever I can to help people addicted and their families my heart goes out to each and every one of you
5. Heather
I am a recovering heroin addict I have been clean for three years I used off an on for five years the drug almost took everything from me including my children I lost my dad at a young age and used drugs to numb me I feel so good today I will never go back I am so sorry for your loss and wish you the best of luck you can break free
6. Helena
I'm struggling every minute the this problem I want to stop but I'm too scared from the withdrawals I tried a few times with fail I work full time just to support my habit and its been alittle under a year now I can't help to feel so guilty
7. Jamie
I wanted to share that with you because you mentioned your mother and it hit me hard.
8. Jamie
Im a heroin addict, going on 3 years I just lost my mom 7 months ago. I didn't think it was possible to do as much dope as I have been since her passing. Using and using im slowly killing myself, in the 3 years ive never went to any detox, but I have these weight crashing down on me and its pushing me to going. I've wasted so much of my life with this struggle, and I can only blame myself for the constant saying... "yeah one more time just one more shot.." we can sit here and say yeah id def take back that day I first tried it but its never that simple, with anything. So I am 100% on board with taking this beast on and I will fucking crush you! I'm off to detox tomorrow morning! I give my prayers and best of luck to all considering the same in the future, if you could just do the same for me. Thanks all for listening.
9. Gabe
This is a really touching story, I am glad that you have gotten over your addiction and are living well today. This story gave me even more of a reason to not to do drugs. Thanks and God bless you.
10. Zak
heroine is the worst drug .... we keep on saying we want to quite but actually never do .... if some one is clean without cold turkeys I would suggest plz don't touch it again no matter how much it temps you best way to get off is to get fittness freak join gym search about pranayma and yoga the breathing teachings and meditation I'm off been 9years on and 10 yrs off now and its what worked for me wish u all good luck and god bless
11. Cindy
My daughter has been struggling for 4 years to get off heroin. In and out rehab. She was clean for 8 months, back in college and engaged . They both relapsed last June and it has been a battle since then . She's tired of living the life of addict. She put herself back into detox last week and we found a new rehab that's treatment plan is different than the other 6 rehabs prior (they do not use the 12 steps). Will this work? I don't know!!! What I do know is that this drug is killing more and more people everyday. My daughter will die from her addiction to heroin if they can't help her know just how great she is. My heart aches every day for the families that lose loved one from this horrible drug. For all us that are living this nightmare watching our loved ones with this terrible addiction, we can never stop believing that they can BEAT this.
12. Mim
My love and compassion to all addicts and recovering addicts. My son is a recovering addict. I believe that he started using drugs at around 12 to escape from his emotional torment. He was raped at age 5 and this secret shame was his demon. He used drugs to basically feel nothing. This story however, like yours is hopeful. Today he is a wonderful father of 2, a loving husband of another recovered addict, and is working hard. He finally realized that he was worth saving. No amount of a mothers love or anyone's love can save someone unless they want to be saved more than anything else in the world. I know this from wasted years of tears, anger, pleading, schemes and fears. I asked god for one thing in my life and he has given it to me. He gave me my son back. Please please please to all addicts love yourself enough to get help!
13. Jason P
hello Ashley, God bless you and I hope you are still doing well. I am 38years old I recently 7 months ago after 18yrs in and out of using heroin finally put an end to the madness. The cycle of it all is utter insanity I have lost all moral values and killed my spirit it has been 7 months and I am still an emotional disaster when I think back on all the horrible things I have done. I am sorry for your mother and how things went for you. In 1997 I had been involved in a heroin conspiracy to murder court case and was acquitted. The details run deep and haunt me greatly now that I have gained some clarity in my life again.
14. CJ
Hi Ashley, thank u for sharing your story. I am a heroin addict and its coming up on a year since I started using and I can feel myself dying a little more everyday. I wake up thinking about dope and I go to sleep thinking about dope. I have done some horrible things that I know I never would've done had it not been for my addiction. I am a mom and I kills me to think that one of these days I could die from this shit and leave my son here all alone with no answers or memories of me because hes still so young. I am so READY to get clean and have detoxed cold turkey several times but some how I always end up relapsing. I want to close this heroin chapter of my life and start out fresh and CLEAN! your story gives me hope and ambition because you are proof that u can overcome an addiction to this murder that is known as heroin.
15. Angie
I'm a heroin addict so I know what you went through. You give me hope though. I keep telling myself that I will quit soon but every day for 7 yes it has pulled me. I tell myself I'm done but once the sick hits it's all over and money is too easy to get. Maybe someday I will get there.
16. Daphne
What a powerful message, Ashley. I'm sorry you went through all that trauma, but I'm sure there are lots of people who will be saved because of your strength, courage, and faith to heal yourself. Continued luck in your recovery.
17. Heather Davis
i iAshley I was in your shoes for 4 years but not with my mother just me it started out with vicodin then perks then oxy to heroin I went to an outpatient facility and still attend today I am 2 1/2 years clean I am attending college for nursing so when I am done can help as many people I can heroin made my life a living hell wouldn't wish the pain of withdrawal on my worst enemy I hope people will see this an know there's people out there who care u r not alone
18. Jane
Hey Ashley, If you need to speak to someone about your mom's addiction please call 1-855-DRUGFREE (1-855-378-4373). The call is free and confidential. You can just vent or find out tips about how to try and get your mom help, or encourage her to seek help herself. Stay healthy and safe.
19. Ashley
This story is so real . My mom is using heroin and I'm scared I'll lose her one day . She's really all the family I have I can't stop thinking . I'm only 15 and I can't tell anyone it's just trapped inside my head . It's sickening . I can't lose her . I just can't