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It's Possible

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It's Possible

I'm currently 18 years old. My freshman year of high school I was 13 years old and that's when I first started to smoke marijuana aka, Pot. I started out smoking it only on the weekends with my best friend at the time and her brother. One weekend, I eventually tried pills. And here's where it all started...

One weekend I went over to stay the night and smoke with my friends or my ‘second family as I considered them. We smoked so much weed that night I ended up not being able to move. I had my own bed there, and her brother was in it. I looked at him and said "you are not sleeping here" and I passed out, with his sister in the bed right beside me. She told him to leave, and he did. I remember waking up throughout the night with him flipping me over and pulling my pants off. I still could not move, nor make a sound. I did my very best to push him away, but all I could do is move my hand a little bit. I kept passing out and waking back up as he raped me that night. I remember parts of him flipping me over, parts of him pulling my pants down, and parts of him raping me. When I woke up fully the next morning, he was asleep beside me. I went pee, and his cum came out of me. I was mortified. 13 years old and I had just been raped by who I considered a brother. Later I found out, the weed was laced with some kind of pills.
I drank alcohol for the first time when I was 13. A few months after that first time, I found myself drinking every weekend. I and my boyfriend of 3 years (only dating for about 6 months at the time) had got into a fight and I decided to drink my feelings away. I climbed a fence, running from the cops at 3 AM, fell and landed wrong. Completely tore my ACL, and cracked my cartilage. For this I got pain pills, Lortabs. Went through physical therapy and doctor appointments for 2 years after until they found out I needed surgery. When I was 15, I had surgery on my knee to replace my ACL, and repair my cartilage. For this I got Morphine along with Lortabs. This is when I started to enjoy pills. Due to my addiction, me and my boyfriend of 3 years, my first love, broke up.
When I turned 16, I started hanging out with 2 older girls that had cars. After that, it became every day I was smoking weed. They could find the weed, and provide the transportation to get it. I begun smoking weed all day every day. When I was at school, I"d smoke right before school, on my lunch break, and right after school up until I went to bed. I felt the need to smoke. Then the fake weed/K2/spice came to our local gas stations. It was easily accessible, and pretty cheap. I became hooked on that. Smoking it just like I did weed. Blunt after blunt after blunt. I watched so many people have seizures and come very close to death from smoking that stuff, but I didn't care. If it was going to happen, it would happen. I started buying Kalonopins off the streets. I was easily addicted to them after my very first pill. They were cheap, and it didn't take a lot to get completely trashed. Shortly after, I became pregnant. But due to my addiction, I could not stop taking the pills, drinking, and smoking the K2, I miscarried. My next appointment was to see what sex my child was.
I started selling pills and weed. The money I was getting was awesome! More than any job I could have at my age. Some boys tried selling me ibuprophen for lortabs and pretty much got a free $40. I didn"t want them getting away without a fight. As they drove off, I stood in front of the car hoping they would stop. The hit me, and kept moving. Limping home I got a call. Someone wanted $120 worth of weed. I had it. I met up with them. I put the weed on their scales in their car through the driver"s side window. As soon as he let the money touch my fingers, he floored it. I got caught in the window and they drug me through the parking lot at least 20 feet until I was able to free myself from the window. If I couldn"t have got out of the window when I did, I would have been more seriously injured, they would have smacked me right into a huge light post, going about 60 mph. Due to being drug 20 feet from a car going 60 mph, my right knee is still broken in 3 different places. I have arthritis in my right knee, and it will only get worse as I age. For that, I got more pain pills.
My senior year came along and I was still actively smoking weed and popping pills. I was 17. In and out of court, jails, and institutions since I was 14, I had an ‘I don"t give a shit" attitude. I was about to get expelled from school by December, so I just dropped out. I was on my way to getting my GED, when I was able to get a second chance. A teacher had helped me be able to finish my credits and get my diploma from my high school through online classes. In March I got my diploma from my high school. I got to watch my friends walk the graduation line, I didn"t.
I started college after the summer was over. Had a job and my own car. About a month after going to school regularly, I skip a few days so I can just stay home, sleep and smoke. I eventually just didn"t show up anymore. I drank before going to work one day, and just didn"t show up. Lost the job. Then I met a boy. He was so perfect to me, he was sober. He relapsed and was on the verge of going back to jail for 3 years. I still had a car and I couldn"t let him go to jail if I could help it. I took him on the run for 6 months. I lost my car over 2,000 Miles away from home. Nobody knew where I was, or who I was with. I lied to my mom, my family and my friends to keep his safety. We became homeless. Sleeping in a friend"s car night after night. The weather was unbelievably cold, we were in the mountains. I had two outfits, one pair of shoes that were sandals, and the thinnest jacket I"ve ever seen. We went hungry for days. The only thing we could think of to get food or clothes or basic needs like toothbrushes and toothpaste was to steal it. I had gone to Wal-Mart several times stealing everything from clothes, food, to Christmas presents and cards. I even stole mucinex DM and we would take 6 of them and get so trashed the cold wouldn"t seem so bad anymore. One time I got caught stealing over $600 worth of merchandise. I spent 12 hours in jail. When I got out, no one could pick me up, and I was at least 20 miles away from where we were sleeping. My phone was about to die, and I had NO clue how to get there. I felt so lonely, and lost.
Shit got real, and I had to go home. When I got home, I was on the run from the charges I had gotten from Wal-Mart. I was partying until I went to jail. During this time, I was drinking, smoking weed, and popping xanex. I was sleeping with people just so they would buy me a bottle and get me weed or pills. One night I went to the motel room with one of my buddies that I regularly had sex with, to get messed up. When I got there, there were two other guys with him. I didn"t care; I just wanted to get drunk. I had told them I didn"t want any xanex I just wanted to smoke and drink, they told me that they didn"t have any pills anyways. After I started drinking, I blacked out. They slipped me xanex and took out their phones. Put on video recorder, and all 3 of them raped me.
After that night, I realized just how bad I had gotten. I never believed in god because “god wouldn"t put someone through so much pain”. But I realized it was my actions, my decisions, and my addiction that was causing me pain. In order to rid my life and myself of the pain and hurt going on, I had to stop using and abusing drugs and change my actions and lifestyle. I now believe in God, and seek his help daily. He"s helping me through my recovery now. Also NA meetings are playing a big part of my recovery by giving support. You can do this! Anyone can do this. Take any steps you feel necessary to get clean. It"s so worth it! No matter the withdrawals, no matter how many ‘friends" you have to lose to get there. You"ll end up on top, while everyone else you used to be ‘friends" with are busy looking up at you, wishing they could have your life.
 


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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1. Nicole
Thank you for your testimony. That is so real and a perfect example of where drugs lead. I've been exactly where you've been in all points. God is who also saved me and changed the world I live in!:)