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Another Way

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Another Way

My name is Marcy and I'm an addict. I celebrated eight years clean and sober on January 7,2014. I say these two things first because they are the two most important things in my life. The fact that I am an addict, and always will be, because there is no cure for this disease, and that by the grace of God and making changes and continuously working on myself and the way I live my life, I have been ganted a reprieve, one day at a time, for the past eight years. Ok, ok enough of lets get down to the nitty gritty and let me tell you a how I earned my seat here. I couldn't stop.......isn't that what it really boils down to. No matter what I did or should I say did not do, I couldn't stop. My life was absolutely wonderful for the first 18 years of my life. I have two parents that are the absolute best. They have been married for almost 55 years. No abuse, no fighting, no drugs, my mother has never even had a drink and my dad besides an occassional glass of wine or a mixed drink here and there that's it. So I wasnt around drugs and alcohol, but boy when I found it I loved it, the alcohol, the weed, the coke, it was all good. And for awhile when I first started using I kept it, oh what do they call it.....under control lol, for a very short time. Or lets put it this way, I would get it together, then I would fall apart over and over again. Then one day someone offered me some crack, I can still remember it like it was yesterday, and it's been over 20 years ago, it was love at first hit, and I never got it together again until 8 years ago. I've been in jail, institutions, homeless, lost my children, and the whole nine yards. I was in a place so dark at the end, I really didn't believe I could get out. Every line I had drawn, I had crossed. Every despicable thing I said I would never do, I did. I had nothing, and I don't mean material things, I mean I didn't have that either, but I mean inside. There was nothing left, I had become empty, I was nothing. I can't tell you what changed, or why this bottom was different from any of the other bottoms I had experienced, but I knew that if I wanted to live l had to do something and I had to do it for me and no one else. Not my kids, not my parents, I had to want to do something for me. So I did. I went to rehab again, but then I did something different, I went to a halfway house, 19 other women like me, and although I didnt want to go and I never thought it would work, I was willing, let me repeat that, I was willing to do whatever it took. And I went, it was called, Another Way, it's the title of this story, because this other way, changed my life. It wasn't easy and many days I wanted to give up, but I didnt. You see they told me something I still use to this day. I only have to stay clean and sober for today. So I did and I do it over and over and over......for the last eight years. I went to over eight hundred meetings my first year clean. I didn't like the word change when I first started this journey, I was afraid of change. Even though I wanted out of this hell I was living in, it was familiar, I was used to it, as crazy as it is now, it was my comfort zone, I had become comfortable in the pain. So they said, well instead of change lets try the word replace......lets replace old people with new people, lets replace old places with new places, lets replace old things with new things, and lets replace old behaviors with new behaviors. That I could do, and I did. I never went back home. I know geographic change isn't the solution, but for me it was the right move at the time. I can take my recovery with me anywhere in the world now, because it is a part of who I am, but back then, I was raw, I needed to build a foundation, something that I could keep building on and it wouldn't cave in. My children came back to me permanently after I was clean a year. They are the light of my life. Being clean and sober has been a wave that has washed over all the people that I love, but only lbecause I did this for me. None of my days are bad, some are just better than others. My sobriety is the number one priority in my life, because you see if it falls from that number one spot, everything else falls like dominoes, right behind it. I never, never forget where I came from, because I absolutely believe if I do I'm headed straight back. Humility is a must on this journey, without it I'm lost. It's a life long commitment, but is so worth it. Please please start this journey, your life depends on it. Mine did, and its a life I couldn't even imagine.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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