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The path to heaven went through my own personal hell

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The path to heaven went through my own personal hell

My story starts out when I was 17 yrs old. I am now 29. My story is over 10 year period but I am sure most of it is similar to anyone elses. I started using pain pills when I was 17. I had 2 knee surgeries so I had several perscriptions that were in my house. My best friends mother at the time got perscribed oxy cotin before there was an epidemic of oxy users out here. I remember I loved how I felt when I was high on pills. I felt like I was a better person. I always had social anxiety and when I was doing pills that all went away. I had no idea of the hidden demons that laid within. By my senior year my pill addiction got too expensive and heroin came around my town. One of my friends was the first one to sell heroin in our town. I got hooked quick. I started stealing money from the pizza shop I worked at to support my habit. After a while I got caught and that was the moment when my mother realized what she was hearing was true. Her baby boy was a heroin addict. After graduation I went to numerous rehabs, had periods up to a year or so of free time, moved to different states to get away, and stole from anyone and everyone to fuel my addiction. I became a totally different person. A person who had no personal morals. A person who would steal money out of your hand then turn right to your face and tell you I didnt do it. The worst part is I believed these lies. I honestly though I was a better person on heroin even though I was robbing and stealing on a daily basis so I could stay high. The most recent time I had a period of clean time I was doing real well. I was living outside of San Francisco, had a good job making good money, was engaged to a smart girl, and was living a very good life. My best friend moved out with me and soon after we started using again.

Long story short, I got addicted to heroin again and lost everything. I ended up moving back to PA with my mother. While living back at home I met a girl and she got pregnant with my child. More than anything in life I wanted a son. I wanted a son because I never had my father growing up. He too was an addict and left when I was a year old so I had a lot of pain inside because of this. I wanted to have a son to make right the wrong my father made because as much as I hated my father I ended up just like him. A lying, thief of a drug addict. The only bad part of recieving the news that I was a going to be a dad was that I am still using and I knew there was no way I could be a father and an addict. It just wouldn't work. They were two full time jobs and I had to choose one. I battled my own personal demons for 9 moths. I would go to bed every night saying I was done the next day and I was going to get clean so I could be a father to my son. My son was due April 19th.

December 26th, 2009 I pretty much gave up on life. Me and my son's mother couldn't get along more than an hour because of my addiction. We broke up Christmas morning and I went back to my mother's house alone for Christmas. The next day I took all my money and went into the city with another addict and we met our dealer. I spent the whole day saying I just wanted to die. I didnt want to go on living like that anymore. I ended up over dosing. I remember waking up in the hospital with iv's in my hands, wires hooked up all over me, and a tube down my throat. The nurse walked in to check on me and her jaw hit the floor when she seen I was awake. I was told that they were trying to ID me so they could call my mother and tell her I was brain dead. The Dr. came in and told me I was very lucky to be alive and that angels were watching over me. The amount of time my brain went without oxygen, I should not be sitting here typing this today. My heart wasn't beating when I was dropped off in front of that hospital yet here I am today. It really hit me at that moment that I was here for a reason. It wasnt until April 19th, 2010, that I realized what my reason for being here was for. I held my son in my arms and looked into his eyes and I knew. I was here to give my son the life I never had. I was here to be a father to my son. I left the hospital that day and got enrolled into the suboxone program to help me get back on my feet and become a person again.

It has been 3 years on April 19 , 2013 that I have been clean from drugs of any kind and I have not stepped fooot into a bar for a drink. I used all the way up to the day before my son was born. I wish I would of been there for my son's mother more when she was pregnant but I cant go back and change that. I am in my sons life though and he has his father here. I have my son 4 days a week and I am a construction foreman for my best friend's company on the 3 days a week I do not have my son. I am not exactly where I want to be in life at the moment but one day at a time I am getting there. God gave me a million chances in life. He gave me a good life while living in California and I took it all for granted. God took it all away from me. I was at the lowest point in life that I have ever been in and I gave up. God had different plans for me. He wasnt letting me give up that easy. He gave me my beautiful little boy. If it werent for my son I would not be here today. I would be in jail or dead. I have dedicated my life to my son, to be what my dad never was, a father. My dad chose drugs over me and god gave me the chance to choose my son over drugs. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that when I had a child that I would be there for him or her and that is probably the only promise I have ever kept in life. I still have my ups and downs like any of us but I have my ups and downs sober. I deal with life the right way, without chasing after a high everytime I get stressed. I came a long way in life. A lot of people notice a big change in me. Its good to hear people who once hated me tell me that I am one of the best fathers they have ever seen. If I can touch just one person with my story I willl be happy. I was at the lowest point in life and I made it out. If I could do it then anyone can do it. Thank you for reading my story. God bless.

This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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