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Being Superman

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Being Superman

During my career as an alcoholic there wasn"t a specific moment were I quit entirely. There was also never a period where I tried to limit or control the amount of my usage. I drank when I felt like it and I drank to get drunk. Id would drink until I had felt a certain level of drunkenness I desired, usually past a point that was ‘normal" or I"d pass out. Towards the end, well maybe way before that, my tolerance was so high I could out drink the contents of a bar and not feel drunk. Certain times I wouldn"t allow myself to drink before work or wait until the sun set. But every moment in between that and the time I would use my mind was occupied with the thought of drinking.
Many times, a lot of times, I"d give into the standard I had set for myself, and began drinking before I reached it. I"m sure I had set myself those 2 drink rules, 'I"m only going to have a few and go home!' But I was lying to myself or to whomever I had to so I could drink. There was no such thing as just having a few for me. Many of us alcoholics consider our drinking as an allergy- that itch you just need to scratch. Well I would itch a lot and I"d dig through my skin to get it out!
When I was in high school I experimented with all kinds of different drugs. Mostly marijuana but I had stints of using others; my drinking wasn"t an issue then. I began drinking heavily to cope with a break up. But once I had gotten over those feelings I was left with a very severe problem, the need to have a drink. This went on for years and my drinking continually and progressively got worse. I flunked out of college, got a DUI, lost my driver"s license, spent a few nights in jail and lost a few jobs. I loved hard and lived fast. But I never once blamed these crises on my drinking. Everything was cool, I was in control, and I needed no one. . . After a while I could not disguise my drinking to co-workers, to friends, to family or to even strangers. Only a handful of people really knew how severe my problem really was.
Many of us alcoholics discuss that rock bottom, I had reached mine. I was involved in a toxic kind of love that ended badly, my son was taken into social services, I lost my job, and I lost my place to live. My house of cards had tumbled and I was left with nothing and no one. My situation, my life, was not at all desirable, attractive, or exciting. After a certain period of sobriety it really set in how big headed I acted and how naive I was in believing the things that I believed about myself. I had no self-esteem, no respect for myself, and I was arrogant. The desire to better my life and myself as a human being came first. The desire to quit drinking came second.
I was told when my son became a ward of the state that I needed to be my son's superhero. I liked the sound fo that. It's been over a year since I had my last drink, and since then I've become the sole gauardian of my son. I needed him as much as he needed me, and I have to say: this life, this sober life as a Dad is pretty super!!


This Story of Hope was created in celebration of recovery and to let families know that there are pathways to hope and healing. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids is the only nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families who are struggling with their son or daughter's substance use. Please consider sharing this page so that families know where to turn to for help, and that there is always hope.

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1. Jane
Super dad!! Keep up the good work :)