Happy Clean Day to Me on New Years Day
Happy Clean Day to Me on New Years Day
I went into recovery when I was 28 years old, went to meetings and got a sponsor. Life was good. I was starting to feel better about myself. I had addressed a lot of my issues. Then I met a man who looked very good to me. So, I decided he was a better than meetings and my sponsor. To make this story shorter, I stayed clean for 2 years then relapsed. I stayed in the relationship that was mentally abusive for the next 6 years. I was able to get a few years abstinence, but inevitably I would relapse. After the last relapse, I decided that I would continue to relapse if I stayed in that relationship. I left and started attending meetings again and connected with my sponsor.
My clean day is New Year"s Day. The reason it's New Year"s Day is because I passed out before midnight. LOL. Otherwise it would have been January 2nd. Once I left the relationship I began to work on myself again and this is when I realized I had a sex addiction. What that mean for me is, I thought having sex with someone was a way of being loved. I have now learned to love myself enough to realize I am enough.
Life is not always easy but I will tell you this much. I have never had to lie, steal, manipulate, sell my body, or feel worthless, to go to a meeting or a clean dance or event. The only thing required of me to participate in these activities is the desire to be clean. That"s it!
I have heard people say they respect the disease of addiction. Well I don't! I refuse to respect something that makes me behave the way drugs have done. So, I say, I am afraid of my addiction, this way I can stay away from the things that have caused me to relapse in the past. Fear of relapse is motivation for me.
There is so much more I could tell you but if I write a book you may not finish it. Life without drugs is better than I could have ever imagined. I am happy with who I am regardless of what others think. What others think is not my business. Saying this to myself has helped me so much over the years. I know I am not the only one who has had this problem and if you are one of them too, know that there is life after addiction, and it will be more than you can imagine.
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