It all started when I was 13 years old and took my first hit of marijuana. After that, I wanted to experience it all. By 15, I was doing ecstacy, cocaine,?and special k (better known as ketamine)?on the weekends. I can't say I was an addict, I was just experimenting and having fun. But I was young and little did I know, I was headed down that road. I tried my first xanax bar when I was 18 years old. There it was, I found it; my drug of choice. I was hooked right away. That was all I wanted to do. I didn't want to go to work or take hold of any of my responsibilities because I just wanted to get high and party. For the next 3 years, I was between jobs every other month, fighting with my mom, moving out of state one week and coming back the next. I was definately a wild child. 2 months after I turned 21, I met the man I would marry and have a son with. For the 1st year of our relationship, we went through stages of all different drugs. For a few months, we would take xanax. Then we did coke for another few months. Then we moved on to methadone and then crystal meth. 14 months after being together, we got pregnant and I stopped everything. My boyfriend however, did not. I found out he was shooting it up, robbing houses and cars and getting arrested. After our son was born, he was so far gone, I called his mother out in Texas and told her everything. I sacraficed my whole life to move out there with her just to get him away from the drugs.

After 7 months out there, we were ready to come home. It started all over again. We were back on the drugs. I would sneak out at night, lie and cheat on my husband. We had a beautiful home, great jobs, 2 new cars, everything we could ask for. Life was great. But those drugs got it taken all away from me. My husband was doing a year in jail and I was so messed up on drugs, his mother took my son from me. I ended up having 2 grand mal seizures from xanax withdrawal. I finally decided it was time to get clean and move home with my mom in New York. I was doing great. I was 26 and finally getting my GED. A year later, my husband?ended up getting out of jail and we decided to get back together and try to be a family again. But almost right away, we were back on the pills. This time it was oxycontin and roxycodone. I was snorting them up my nose at first, then my husband talked me into shooting them up. One time is all it took. I was hooked and that was my new drug of choice. This went on for a good 6 months. We would rob anyone just to get money to buy pills. Our pill run came to an end when I got arrested for defrauding a pawn broker. I also got charged with dealing in stolen property. I did 3 months and came out on probation. My husband had left Florida right when I got arrested and moved back to Texas with his mom and he took our son with him. I was doing really good for awhile. Then I met a guy and got pregnant a month later. When I was 4 months pregnant, he got arrested, (it was June 15, 2010) and he is facing 30 years in prison. He has never met our daughter but that's a whole other story. December 1, 2011, when my daughter was 3 days shy of being 2 months, I did a line of coke and a roxy. I got drug tested and violated my probation. I had no one to take my daughter because?all my family is in NY and if I didn't ask my mom to take temporary custody of her, the state would have put her in a foster home. I only did 15 days in jail this last time. I came out with 3 years probation with a 10pm-6am curfew. Since I have been doing so well, I get off in July 2013. That will be half the time (18 months). In that time, I have completed my court ordered drug classes and even enrolled in college online. I move home to NY next month so I can be with my daughter.

Life is so much better now that I am clean. My sober date is 12-1-2011. For 12 years I thought I could get clean on my own and I could. It wasn't a problem. The problem was staying clean. But those classes have helped me to stay clean. I got rid of all my friends who are drug addicts. I don't associate with anyone that does any type of drug. I lost everything because I drugs. I lost my son at one point, then my daughter at another. It just isn't worth it. So if you are reading this and you are on drugs, hopefully my story will give you some motivation to get help. Life is so much better when your clean and sober. You will always be an addict because once an addict, always an addict. You too can go down the path to recovery. It's never too late.

The title of my story comes from my recovery coin I earned when I graduated my drug classes. "Out of the Ashes of Addiction; Renewel and Growth! On the other side, it has the Serenity Prayer, " God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."